Life Lessons I Keep Forgetting

Tiny tidbits of wisdom I constantly have to remind myself of

My newest book, Haiku Comics from the Anthropocene, is out! It’s a collection of 100 haiku comics organized into four seasons. It’s a great cozy read and makes the perfect gift for the poetry or nature lover in your life.

You can purchase it from my store or from Amazon. It’s coming to more stores soon.

They say you’re supposed to write what you know. But I mostly write what I need to remember.

As a work-from-home father of four, life is always busy. Sometimes it’s easier to let the momentum of rushing around carry me through instead of doing the work of staying in the moment. My default disposition is anxious, and my ADHD means that object permanence is often elusive.

I used to just power through, working myself to exhaustion, and then berating myself for failing to meet the impossible standards I set for myself. But as I close in on a half-century on this planet, I’ve learned to be kinder to myself, to create systems that work with my anxiety and ADHD instead of trying to force myself into doing things the “normal” way.

One of my coping mechanisms is to create haiku comics about the key lessons I need to remember. Instead of lecturing myself, I can look back on the art I’ve created. This helps me avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. I’m always making new comics as I continue to learn and grow. Below are some of the life lessons I’m currently having the hardest time retaining.

Maybe these will help you remember to slow down and live life instead of rushing through it.

life is heavy, kid
carry the weight of the world
lift with your knees

I once worked in a warehouse and had to go through three days of safety training. I didn’t last a month at that job, but I still remember the importance of lifting with my knees.

You are supposed to lift heavy objects with your knees to avoid putting undue strain on your lower back. When you lift with your knees, you engage your leg muscles, which are built to better handle the torque of heavy lifting.

The same principle applies to lifting and carrying emotional loads. If you just suffer with sadness in silence, it has a way of metastasizing into despair. There’s no way to avoid sadness and grief in our human existence. But we must learn how to safely lift these burdens. For me, that means using my physical knees to go on long walks and allowing myself to feel the full range of my emotions. This helps me avoid putting undue strain on my soul.

While I don’t do a lot of physical lifting these days, unless I’m cleaning out the garage, I do spend a lot of time lifting emotional burdens with my knees.

daring cobalt sky
I can do anything, but
can’t do everything

One of my greatest strengths is that I believe I can learn how to do anything. I know how to figure things out. However, this also gets me into a lot of trouble because while I believe I can learn an infinite number of things, I only have a finite amount of time.

I frequently overcommit, and that leads to overwhelm. I’ve been a caregiver most of my life. I was the oldest child, and my parents had their own issues, leaving me to do a lot of the cooking, cleaning, and parenting for my younger siblings, starting when I was eleven.

I’ve always seen myself as capable and want to do anything I can to help others.

But this has frequently sabotaged my growth, leaving me burnt out.

I still believe with all my heart that I can do anything. But this comic reminds me that I cannot do everything. I have to choose my actions with intention. I must ask for help, and sometimes, I just have to say no.

want to be happy?
live the impossible life
make love your lodestar

After growing up in an extremely religious household, I’ve become a non-religious adult. I’m an absurdist.

That means I don’t believe life has any inherent meaning. Instead, we get to create our own meaning. What we choose to find meaningful allows us to live lives of joy or anger. It’s up to us.

It might sound corny, but I’ve chosen to make my focus love. When I’m making choices out of love instead of fear or greed, life goes smoother, I feel better, and the people closest to me enjoy me more.

But it’s hard to stay focused on love. (For me, it’s hard to stay focused on anything.)

I make haiku comics to help cultivate a habit of wonder and curiosity, the precursors to love. The more I get to know a bird, river, or person, the more I come to love them.

That makes for a wonderful life.

happiness is not
an outcome or a status
it’s a process

Happiness is a tricky thing. The more you try and pin it down, the faster it flies away. Henry David Thoreau compared happiness to a butterfly; you can only capture it if you’re not chasing it.

Happiness is not something you ever arrive at. It really is the journey, not the destination.

Instead of looking for happiness, I’ve found I should focus on being present. Mindfulness allows me to feel all of my feelings and move through them as they come.

I’m working towards being content with my life, and that makes me happier.

When I feel rough or discouraged, I read this haiku comic to remind myself that happiness is a process and that I am a work in progress. I’m not behind or ahead of anyone. I’m right where I am, and that is all that matters.

we search the heavens
for answers hiding within
the walls of our hearts

I love finding answers. I’m a reader, I love studying and scholarship. That’s all a fancy way of saying I’m an overthinker.

I constantly need to rediscover that the answers to what I want and need are not on the internet or in some obscure book in a library. The answers for what I need to do next in my life are in my heart. I have to learn to listen to my intuition.

It’s not that I know everything, I’m always learning. But it means that nobody else can tell me what I need most in my life. My gut already knows. I think this is true for all of us. We’d rather stare at the stars looking for answers instead of sitting with our thoughts and feelings.

each incredible
feat was quite impossible
until it wasn’t

Every incredible thing any human has ever accomplished was once widely considered to be impossible. Impossible really means no one else has figured it out yet.

I have some fairly insane goals for myself. When I get frustrated with how far away I am, I remember that some of the things I’m working towards haven’t been done before. It’s going to take as long as it takes, and I'd rather die trying than live knowing I quit something that mattered so much to me.

You may find this hard to believe, but the world is not (yet) clamouring for haiku comics. Making a living as a poet or a cartoonist is almost impossible. Trying to forge a living wage as a poet-cartoonist seems impossible to almost everyone (including me, sometimes).

I started making poetry comics five years ago, and each month, they make up a larger share of my income, many months equalling or even slightly surpassing, my income from freelancing.

When I have a setback, I pull out this comic and remind myself that I am doing the impossible, one day at a time.

confused mallard has
imposter syndrome watching
rubber duck parade

Like every creative person I know, I often have to live with impostor syndrome.

But often, the people I think have made it are just faking it. So many times I’ve been like the mallard duck in my comic. I’ve let plastic imitations make me question who I am.

None of us knows what we’re doing. We’re all out here doing our best to tread water.

Now, I embrace the feelings of impostor syndrome, recognizing that the fear and insecurity are signs I’m on the right path.

the only way to
discover new places is
to leave your old one

I love books, cozy furniture, art, and great food. I’m a hobbit. However, I also love to explore new places and experience adventures.

The only way to have these new kinds of experiences is to leave my cozy hobbit-hole. I have to get uncomfortable. When ensconced in my overstuffed chair with my newest book, it’s hard to remember that I always come back from adventures invigorated and full of new ideas.

Often, I need to be prompted to leave my old place so I can grow and discover new places. Getting uncomfortable allows me to be comfortable in many more places — eventually.

Plus, my hobbit-hole is always waiting for me when I need a rest from my questing.

for a life that’s more
than dandelion wishes
you must take action

I’m not a fan of magical thinking. Belief is critical for getting started and to fuel you as you go, but belief alone will not get you anywhere. Change happens by taking action.

Too often, I’ve longed for a piece of work to go viral, and then been disappointed when nothing happened. It’s like buying lottery tickets to solve your financial problems instead of looking at your finances and making changes.

The biggest leaps I’ve made in my career and my personal life have all come after years of taking small steps every day. Something is always better than nothing.

Small actions compound over time. When you keep your focus on the path you want to walk, and only worry about taking one step at a time, you will travel much farther than sitting and hoping someone will come along to take you where you want to go.

I don’t have all the answers. I’m an amateur human working towards being a better father, husband, and Earthling. These days, I have more moments of laughter than tears and wake up excited to greet the sun each morning.

Tomorrow, I will have already forgotten half of the reminders I’ve just written. That’s okay. That just means I will have more chances to make art that will help me get back on track.

Cheers,